Harley Quinn (pantherangel) wrote in victimsofsi,
Harley Quinn
pantherangel
victimsofsi

Arg

I premeditated a session (what I used to call them) of cutting last night. I was driving home from work, and my boyfriend keep telling me about how great his sponsor is and how he loves being a sponsor, and I can't find one of my own....I feel like I can't do any of my steps without one...ugh!

Anyway. I was driving home, listening to a mix CD and thinking about how I would go about it. I decided that I would cut the backs of my legs, because less people would be likely to find them, and that I would use a needle, so I would bleed everywhere.

When I got home, though, I started thinking about movies and food and decided to eat a lot instead. Not that becoming some dependent on food is much better, I was litterally one floor away from my needles before going to borrow a DVD player.

I'm fairly proud of myself. The only problem is that I made my decision based on my loved ones. I didn't decide not to cut because -I- don't need to, or for -my- health and happiness....which means I still have a lot of work to do.
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